At times, I am still able to jump into my JW head (yes, it is a frightening, terrible place! :) -- but I think I might see what you might be feeling or getting at.
You were, and are, being shunned hard by your "dear, faithful, loyal" JW family And it has caused much pain and loneliness for you and those closest to you now. You know they are being bravely supported by all those other faithful, loyal Witness who keep encouraging them for their fine, strong stand. And are they not a fine example indeed! Look how their faithful stance is being blessed (by whatever theocratic bullshit & privileges).
And so you are shunned, left out, and hurt.
And here is Another family, perhaps not so loyal and faithful to Jehovah and his righteous standards.... Why yes, they are hypocrites according to the standards of this religion!! And they are also not disciplined when they do not shun in the same way.
When someone buys into this religion hard (as I did, and as your family, from the sounds of it, also did), then these are the way of things. And when other families "in the truth" are not so "faithful" or are even, gasp - spiritually weak!! - this is also the way of things in the congregation (and there are always those situations!)
yes, it feels like duplicity and according to the standards of the JW world, it is not right! so maybe these are the feelings you are trying to come to terms with.
it might help to remember there are different levels of belief and indoctrination -- and if the GB had their way, EVERYBODY would be "sheeplike" and follow their counsel!!! And yes, many people do (I sure did!!!). And then there are other people in the congregation who are more balanced, and I mean that word in the "worldly" way now, the non-JW meaning of "balance" which the JWs have also tainted by their bias and prejudice.
in some way, shape or form, this religion hurts everybody, some more than others. I am sorry you are going through this.